Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Lucy's Fanfiction

                                                        
                                                          Give the forgiveness 


This fanfiction base on the movie 'note book' , a couple common experience .
 

Noah sat quietly without any words. Allie talked. "You told me that there were too much unstable factors between us", Allie said in a low voice, "Because I am a lady from a wealthy family, but you are only a poor guy.  The same as my parents, you thought that I should enter into an equally affluent family. One day, you suddenly disappeared in my life without any news." Allie stopped and heaved a deep sigh. She did see Noah. She continuously talked to herself, "Since you disappeared, I have been looking for you everywhere. I went to your  previous workplace. From one of your workmate, I heard that you had a girlfriend before you met me. Your previous girlfriend was also from a rich family. I did not believe his words until I saw you and a young lady walking arm in arm along the road on day". Allie suddenly silenced. She choked with sob. Noah lifted up his head, tears binding his eyes. "My parents decided to bring me away from this city.". Allie continued, staring into the distance, "They introduced me to a young businessman, Ron,. He is a nice gentleman." Allie suddenly shift her eyes into Noah. "have you ever expected to meet me again." Noah was standing by the window. He sighed lightly and asked, "how are you now? "We engaged and plan to marry soon.". Allie dried her eyes with her left hand. She paused and answered.
A: Where is your girlfriend?. 
N:......( silence)
A: "I hate your silence. What do you want to do now?!"
N:......(still silence)
A (desperately): tell me why! Could you give me a reason for your leaving?
N: follow me, please.
A followed N. Not far from this house, there was a wood. There was still a chill in the air though the spring has arrived. N stopped by a tombstone. A wondered at this grave.
N: In the past few years, I just hoped that she could be happy during the final time of her life. Forgiving me. I remember you every day because no one can replace you in my heart.
A: I am going to marry. I promise him,. I..
N stood without any facial expressions
N:Tell me what do you want? Not for your parents, your fiancée, and me, just-what-do-you-want?
Life is short. Give you a chance to do with your own heart.
A: But…it' impossible… we can't be-

Allie did not know how she left that house. When she arrived home, her mother was sitting in the living room and told her that Ron was waiting for her for a bit. Ron was talking with her father in the study room now.  
A: where will you take me to go?
Her mother watched her. Allied turned her face towards the door.
A: did you tell them where I went?
Mother: they won’t know forever.
A: Yes, I think so.
A sat down to the coach, next to her mum.
Mother: Your father is a good man. We have been together for many years. I believed that we have deep feelings for each other now.  
A: yes, I know.
Mum: Before married your father, I met another young man... Your grandparents introduced your father to me. I accepted because this is my life. Ron is a good man.
A was watching her mother while listening .

Ron returned to the living room and he was happy to see Allie there.
A: Ron, I’m sorry. I go back to see---
They hugged each other for a short time.
A: Will you forgive me for my leaving?  
R: Sweetie, go to find your happiness. I don’t want you leave me,.
A: I love you, it is true.
R: Me too. Remember I love you.
A: I have no idea. You are so good. I-
R: I know, your dad told me. I know. What’s your decision?
Allie was in a silence and tears burst into her eyes.

In the house, Noah sat quietly and open a notebook. The notebook was written beautifully, with the memories of a couples love during the whole summer. Ron drove to the wood because the house in the wood was related to Allie's happiness. The sky was getting dark. It seemed that raining was coming. Suddenly, a truck appear in the opposed direction. Ron's car has no way to escape. It started to rain and everything became dark.

Allie and Noah were outside the operating room. Noah took Allie's hands and looked tenderly into her troubled eyes. Tears poured down Allie's checks.
A: how is Ron?
N: doctors said it was serious.
A: I want to see him
N:......(still silence)
A (cried): Forgiving me, Ron.
N:......(still silence)

The rain was still on. The world was covered with the darkness.

4 comments:

  1. Lucy the plot seems interesting but I can't comprehend the majority of your fan fiction! :( The ending is rather appealing and sounds really well written. Just focus on making sure your sentences make sense. Also you should look at other fan fictions and the template used for displaying paragraphs and dialogue. At the moment it just looks like a big wall of text with a few gaps here and there.

    Great job Lucy!

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  2. I think you should write few sentences in the beginning about what your fanfic is based on (eg. genre, brief storyline) because I have no idea what is going on. Also as Sam mentioned, you need to work on the structure. At the moment, it's pretty much a bulk of paragraph at the start then continues as if it's a script.

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  3. I agree with both sam and andy, this is a great effort with a few mistakes here and there. making sure that the story makes sense and it has a structure. maybe ask one of your friends to help you edit it. but im looking forward to it when its going to be finished.

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  4. I think you need more work with your sentences. I can see you have a good story and it sounds very nice but you just need a little more work. Ignoring the sentences that just make sense I can understand the great fanfiction that you have written.

    Good job!!!

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